Double Portion

I met her when I was making video visits to the jail—after they quit letting us go in due to the COVID-19 pandemic. This girl was on fire! Honestly, I think she did more ministry to me in our 25-minute video calls than I was doing for her. Once again, I was blessed to see what God will do in a surrendered heart. She had been “gang-affiliated” and had gone down some very dark roads. The last charge was serious. She could be looking at life. But, somewhere in there, God whispered to her that he still loved her. That he forgave her. That he had more for her. And, this time, she heard him! The freedom she found in her soul overcame any of the bars or locks in the jail, and her joy was simply infectious. Even if she was looking at “life” . . . she had finally found life.

“Adulting”

We stayed close as she was released from jail to a local halfway house. She found a good job with good pay and overtime, and we did ministry together almost every morning. After about four months, she completed her time at the halfway house, inspiring many along the way with her commitment to sobriety, her hard work, and her love for others. She moved into an affordable room at the Hope House where, at the time, she was the only tenant. Her newfound spiritual freedom was now facing physical freedom. The realities of life on the outside were coming home to roost. She was “adulting,” as she would say . . . or at least trying.

It was the first time in her life, in her thirties, that she was trying to actually work (at legitimate work) for a living. As a girl, her dad had taken care of her. As an adult on the outside, money was readily available—a drug deal could solve her money problems in a quick minute. When her “fundraising” landed her in jail or prison, all her needs were met. So, to get up and work hard all day . . . every day . . . well, that was new. And the money she earned just seemed to disappear so quickly! She was learning the hard way that you can’t just get what you want when you want it—even if you have worked hard for it.

“Wrestling”

So, the second month at the Hope House rolled around and rent was due. And she didn’t have it. The lease she had signed was clear: if she didn’t have the money by the third of the month, she would be served eviction papers. The world was closing in, gripping tighter, strangling her newfound freedom . . . stealing her joy.

I know she didn’t want to tell me; it was nearly the third of the month before she finally admitted where she was financially. Broke. As we sat in the car, I witnessed a very real wrestling—old man vs. new man. Paul’s letter to the Romans, in chapter 7, describes this wrestle—in words. I was seeing this wrestle—in the flesh. She was clearly tormented. “It would be so easy,” she whispered. To just make a quick deal. She could have the money she needed in no time. Romans 7:21, “Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” I watched her wrestle her demons in the seat right next to me.

Getting a Little Crazy

I was raised, thankfully, with tough love. Healthy boundaries were set, consequences were laid out and metered out if I crossed the boundaries. It was helpful in my formative years, shaping me into the (mostly) responsible woman I am today. And so, my natural inclination was to throw down the tough love card. You blew the money. You pay the consequences. 

But thankfully, God had been doing quite a lot of work on my heart. Teaching me so much about crazy love. Unconditional love. Love that wasn’t deserved. (Just like God’s love for us.) This woman wrestling next to me had not been taught about hard work and financial stewardship when she was a child. Her options in this moment were to be evicted—leaving her homeless—or to try to come up with the money herself. Her most likely options were selling drugs—or herself—or borrowing money from someone who could hold it over her, possible trouble down the road. I just felt so strongly that what she needed in this moment was not tough love, but crazy love. Some might call it bailing her out, but I think Jesus would call it . . . grace. 

Her paycheck would be coming soon. She assured me that she could repay the $300 once it went into her account. I believed her, but I also knew that the odds were great that I would never see that $300 again. The Bible says, never a borrower nor a lender be. So, I gave her the money, telling her that while I could sure use it back, I would never hold it over her if she didn’t. I would never want it to get in the way of our relationship. Turns out, child support took out a lot more than she expected. I would never see that $300 again.

Germinating Generosity

Some may think that is the end of the story, but that is where they would be wrong. You see, my husband and I had been saving to buy a different car. The one we had was nearly 20 years old with more than 250,000 miles on it. We had been keeping our eyes open for a while and, right after I dipped into our car fund to give her the rent money, we found a great deal. We would be $300 short. Part of the plan was to sell the old car for what we could get for it—hoping to get maybe $500, if we were lucky. Our ad read (hitting the highlights), “High mileage . . . rust over the wheel wells . . . transmission needs work” . . .  That oughta really bring 'em in!

Well, the first guy to respond to our ad showed up, started the car (never did drive it), asked a few questions, and handed my husband $1,100 in cash. $600 more than what we had hoped to get. Twice what I had given, at God’s prompting, to my friend in need. Double portion. The concept is biblical: the firstborn sons got a double portion of their father’s inheritance, Elisha received a double portion of Elijah’s spirit, Israel was promised a double portion of joy and blessing, Hannah’s husband gave her a double portion . . . because he loved her. I don’t think I was as tickled about getting the money back, or even the extra money, as I was that I felt that God approved of my decision to help my friend in need. He gave a double portion . . . because he loves me. I pray that he continues to work on my spirit of generosity. May I hold the things of this world more loosely and cling to him more tightly. It’s amazing to see him at work!

“One person gives freely, yet gains

even more; another withholds unduly,

but comes to poverty. A generous

person will prosper; whoever

refreshes others will be refreshed.”

Proverbs 11:24-25 NIV

“But God demonstrates his own love

for us in this: While we were still

sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:8 NIV

“Instead of your shame you will receive

a double portion, and instead of

disgrace you will rejoice in your

inheritance. And so you will inherit a

double portion in your land, and

everlasting joy will be yours.”

Isaiah 61:7 NIV