Just Jesus

I remember the first time I met her, and I won’t forget it soon. It was in the women’s county jail—the key word being women’s. However, she was clearly masculine—or attempting to appear masculine. Her hair was longish, but shaved on the sides so that when it was drawn up it looked like a man’s. Her frame was slight, but her gait and mannerisms were clearly masculine. It was her first time attending my study, I would find out later it was her first time attending any Bible study.

She was friendly and helpful, stepping right up to help grab chairs off the stack to set around the table where we would gather. As I took the chairs from her, I heard myself saying, “Thank you, sir!” As quickly as I said it, I realized my mistake—it was, after all, the women’s jail! So, I quickly corrected myself, saying, “I mean ma’am!” “That’s okay,” was her casual reply. “I get that all the time.”

We proceeded with our study and I was sharing with evidence as I often did. She was so intrigued and listened with rapt attention—soaking up the conversation, asking lots of questions. She would share later that she had never heard anyone talk about the Bible this way—using scientific evidence to validate the people, places, and events of the Bible.

I was so excited that she was excited. Perhaps she would come to believe in this amazing God we love and serve! I was sure she would come again and I was eager to teach her more. But then, it happened. She threw it right out there, with no warning and very little left of our time together. “So, you probably guessed it, but I am homosexual. What does the Bible say about that?”

Oh, man, the bombshell was laying out there and the room went silent. Everybody was waiting to hear what I would say. Truth in love. Truth in love. The phrase kept running through my mind. You see, I did love her! But I knew she wouldn’t want to hear the truth. Seriously, God? I thought to myself. The first day? Couldn’t we have had time to build a relationship? Lay some more groundwork? But there it was, out on the table.

So, I answered as I had come to answer that most delicate of questions. I told her, “You know, I don’t come to share my opinion, but rather I want you to know that God is real and that this book is truth—his word to us. I want you to come to know God and to read his word, then he will speak to you about his thoughts on homosexuality. As for how I interpret what scripture says, I believe God designed us—one man, for one woman, for life.” There. I had said it. Pretty sure she wouldn’t be back the next week. But then, you never do know . . .

She did come back. Each week during that stay at the county jail . . . and the next . . . and the next. She kept coming and, it was interesting, because while I never really brought the topic up again, she would from time to time. And it was clear that God was working on her. She said so herself.

As it would turn out, God did give us time to build a relationship, to lay some groundwork. She began attending my Bible studies on the “outside,” as they would say. We developed a great friendship and ended up spending quite a bit of time together.

I remember there were four of us at the table, where we sipped coffee and dug into God’s word. And she started seeking relational advice about her ex-wife and her most recent girlfriend. It was a little uncomfortable for the group and one wandered to the kitchen and the other to the front porch for a smoke break. And while the shock factor of this had worn off considerably for me, it was still a topic that was uncomfortable. But at least now, I was realizing, it wasn’t as much because it was homosexuality . . . but because it was sin. And we are all sinners and struggle with our own things.

While I clearly remembered the dramatic story of Sodom and Gomorrah from my childhood years in Sunday school, and how the sort of whispered acts of sodomy had become more vivid as I came to realize just what this act was, I don’t remember the teaching of Ezekiel 16:49. Yet, somehow on this journey, God highlighted this particular passage for me. Not just as words my ears heard and my head stored . . . but words my heart heard. And I stood convicted.

The true sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was not just the sexual sin that was rampant in the cities—but that the people were “arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” Harsh words . . . that describe so many in our churches today. Harsh words that described me, before God really got ahold of me. So, yes, while homosexuality may be wrong in God’s eyes, we are not one to cast stones. We should pull the plank out of our own eyes before we point out the speck of dust in theirs.

And so, sitting at that table with her, I would not judge her, but neither would I be party to the sin. Instead, I gently said, “First of all . . . you know I love you. But you also know how I feel about this. I am not comfortable giving relational advice on something that I see as wrong in the eyes of God. And it is not just on the homosexuality, but that I see marriage as a life-long covenant—a commitment to one partner. And that sex before marriage is a sin. So, you see, putting the gender issues aside, there are so many other behaviors that I just don’t see as right. So, I just don’t feel comfortable weighing in at all on this issue. We can look at what scripture has to say about it, but I won’t give my opinion on what you should do.”

I was surprised by her response. Rather than taking offense, she embraced my unintentional offer. “Really? I think we should. Could we look at what scripture says on this? Together? I have been reading about it, but I would really like to dig into it with you.” And then, she said something that I have thought back on so many times since. “You were the first one to come to me without an agenda . . . just Jesus. Everyone else has an opinion on how I should look, how I should dress, how I should live my life. You just brought me Jesus.” I almost cried. Had he brought me this far? This “recovering Pharisee,” full of self-righteousness and judgment. Had he finally brought me to a place where the first thing I wanted to give people was Jesus . . . rather than my opinion?! Perhaps it was true! And my heart rejoiced!

We would have many more conversations to follow, hard conversations. Truth in love. Truth in love. The jury is still out on whether she will ever be free from her struggle, or if she will choose to refrain from a homosexual lifestyle. I am trusting that, with Jesus in her life, she will be set free.

But one thing I have learned, for certain, is that it is far better when I don’t come with an agenda . . . just Jesus.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love,

we will grow to become in every

respect the mature body of him

who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Ephesians 4:15 NIV

“Do not judge, or you too

will be judged.”

Matthew 7:1 NIV

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out

of your own eye, and then you will

see clearly to remove the speck

from your brother’s eye.”

Matthew 7:4 NIV

“Marriage should be honored by all,

and the marriage bed kept pure,

for God will judge the adulterer

and all the sexually immoral.”

Hebrews 13:4 NIV

“I tell you that anyone who divorces

his wife, except for sexual

immorality, and marries another

woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:9 NIV