The Ladder

It was like a big garage or a warehouse. The walls, probably fifty feet tall, were made of cinder blocks. All painted white. About two thirds of the way up, there was a ledge about five feet wide that went all the way around the room. It was a huge space, completely empty . . .  with the exception of the ladder. It was like a regular, free-standing painting ladder—forming a tall triangle, but it was much taller than any ladder I’d ever seen. I’m quite sure they don’t make ladders that style that tall, and for a reason. It made for a pretty precarious ascent. 

A woman was climbing the ladder and there was a man on the ledge. He was trying to hold the ladder—to steady it—but it was just a little too far from the ledge. He stood on the ledge and watched her climb steadily upward. As she neared the top, the ladder began to sway . . . and that is when she fell. Probably thirty or forty feet down, landing on a concrete floor.

People, who came from seemingly nowhere, rushed to her still body lying on the ground, face up. As they pulled her towards them, a wet stain streaked behind her head on the concrete floor. It didn’t look good. But then, she was up! A little disoriented and feeling a little woozy, but she seemed okay. There was a little blood matted in her hair, but she seemed able to go about functioning as normal.

Amazed that she could have survived the fall so well, I stepped up to examine her head more closely. As I parted the bloody, matted hair, I could see there was an entire section of her skull completely missing. Her brain was completely exposed. The injury was so devastating that it seemed there was no way she could actually be alive, let alone functioning as seemingly normal.

And that was it. That was the whole dream. I pondered it that morning, but I couldn’t make much sense of it. I really had no idea what it could mean. I proceeded with my devotionals and my time with the Lord. I found myself journaling a bit—which I can tend to do when my head and my heart are trying to wrestle something out or to resolve something. I was journaling about my journey, and where God was leading. It had been this crazy, winding, path—never going where I would have expected, sometimes running into what seemed dead-ends—that appeared to have brought me right back to where I started: creation ministry . . . only much more prepared! 

You see, with the closing of Chrysalis and in the absence of ongoing missionary support, I had applied for a position at Answers in Genesis (AiG). If I had to get a “real” job, I had thought perhaps I could at least use my science background, as well as my passion for sharing the gospel with evidence, by doing some researching and writing for this ministry that had really sort of started it all for me. And as I googled job openings at AIG, tucked in amongst cafeteria workers, greeters, zookeepers, and web designers, there it was . . . Science and Apologetics Writer/Editor. It couldn’t have been a more fitting job description! Since it would be mostly reading and writing, I was hoping they might consider allowing me to do the job remotely. In my mind, it could be perfect! The initial interviews had gone well, indeed, they seemed to perhaps be considering how they might use my skills and experiences beyond the position that I had applied for. 

In my musings, I found myself wondering if, indeed, it may be time to go back to the “real world.” Just like I tell other women who struggle with addictions that there may be a day when they will be strong enough to go back for friends and family fighting the same battle . . . was it time for me to go back for “my people”? The churched . . . the people in the pews . . . the modern-day Pharisees . . . those wondering if there was something more to truly following Jesus . . . all the Nicodemuses out there? Was my surrender sure enough? My roots deep enough? My faith great enough?   

Just after finishing my musings, I checked my emails. Even as I had been journaling, I had received an email from AiG saying they would like to visit with me about a possible Speaker position! I had not dared to dream of such a thing, and yet here it was—an amazing opportunity with an international ministry that was working to restore the authority of scripture, uphold the truth of God’s word and rebuild the church! The platform could be a tremendous opportunity. God willing, the kingdom impact could be huge. I wasn’t quite sure what to think or how to feel! Honored . . . overwhelmed . . . excited . . . intimidated . . .  

It was then that the vision of the ladder came back to my mind. That’s what it had meant. I was being presented with an opportunity that could take my tendency to want to rise up on my own pedestal to the next level. This was a tall ladder. And a fall from such great heights could be a fatal blow. My pride could possibly creep in until I began working, once again, in my own strength. Reveling in my own accomplishments and achievements, leaving God behind. The man on the ledge, wanting to steady that precariously tall ladder . . . but just out of reach?  It was Jesus.  Longing to help . . . but kept just out of arm’s reach.

I realized, I had better stay close!  If I was given the opportunity to do such incredible kingdom work, I had better keep that ladder right next to the wall.  I better let Jesus hold on tightly to me, steadying me as I took on this mission, rather than trying to do it alone.  I better not just get others to dig in God’s Word—I had better do it myself.  I better not become so confident in my ability that I lose sight of my desperate need for Him.  I better not build monuments to myself—rather, give all the glory to God.  Scripture warns us that pride goes before a fall.  And, the crazy thing is, that we can go on functioning as “normal” in this world, even as we are “dead” in the spiritual realm.  Lord, don’t let me try to do this on my own!  This . . .  or anything else that comes my way.  Let me stay so close to you that I may never fall.  Thank you for your warnings . . .  in your Word—and, especially, in my life.  I stand in awe that you would send a personal reminder . . . just for me.  Who am I that you would think of me . . .?!

“Pride goes before destruction,

a haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 16:18 NIV

“But when his heart became arrogant

and hardened with pride, he was

deposed from his royal throne

and stripped of his glory.”

Daniel 5:20 NIV

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you.

No branch can bear fruit by itself;

it must remain in the vine.

Neither can you bear fruit

unless you remain in me.”

John 15:4 NIV

“But because of his great love for

us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us

alive with Christ even when we were

dead in transgressions—it is by grace

you have been saved.”

Ephesians 2:4-5

“…but she who is self-indulgent

is dead even while she lives.”

1 Timothy 5:6 ESV

“…what is mankind that you are

mindful of them, human beings that

you care for them?”

Psalm 8:4 NIV