Things I Didn't Know I Didn't Know

Life was busy, and it was a crazy summer. Even though I still worked only part-time as a research scientist, work seemed to be trying to demand more and more of me. My husband was a landscape designer, and it was his busy season. The kids were getting involved in more and more activities—swim lessons, ball games, 4-H activities, camps. We still tried to fit in some fishing and camping and horseback riding. I was on the hamster wheel, running as fast as I could and yet not really getting anywhere! Looking back, I don’t know if it was a foretaste? A prelude? Or an invitation. But there were a couple things that happened that summer that set some wheels in motion.

Glimpses of a Foreign World

In late spring, I had attended some scientific meetings in Florida. At the very last minute, an undergraduate student had found a way to attend but did not have a room. Another professor and I were already sharing a room, and we invited her to bunk up with us. Indeed, she ended up sharing my bed! (Turns out they didn’t let you set up a rollaway anymore—fire code or something.) So, here we were. Sharing a room. Sharing a bed. And, ultimately, spending a lot of time together and sharing quite a bit about ourselves.

It was a beginning to the education God had in store for me. Learning the things I didn’t know I didn’t know. A glimpse into a world that was foreign to me. Eye opening. She was a single mom with a nine-year-old girl. She was only about 24 herself. You can do the math. If I thought life was "hard" as a married mother of two, with an education, a good job, and a supportive family, I had another think coming. This young woman was juggling being a mom, working to provide for herself and her daughter, and going to school. There was no one else to tag at the end of the day and say, “Your turn, I’m taking a hot bath!” There was just her. She shared more. A story of poverty, abuse. My struggles dwindled and my gratitude swelled. Here was this young woman with so many challenges but still seeking more for herself and her daughter. So hopeful. Even joyful. I should quit complaining.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Another thing I had learned was that her daughter loved horses. So, upon returning, we vowed to find a time to get her out to the farm for a ride. The day came—a beautiful, sunny day. They emerged from the tunnel of trees leading to our farm, and we welcomed them to our home. They were greeted by the menagerie that roamed freely about our acreage—a calf, a sheep, a goat, a goose . . . dogs and cats and chickens. They got to meet my husband and the kids. We walked to our two-story farmhouse for a snack and a refreshing drink. Finally, we made our way down to the barn, saddled up, and took a spin around the section. I don’t think the little girl ever stopped smiling! Even as they pulled out of the driveway, disappearing into the tunnel of trees, I could see her look back and wave . . . smiling ear to ear.

Shortly after, I received a letter in the mail. It was a thank you from my newfound friend. I don’t remember all that was in the letter, but I remember this: “When we were in the car, she looked at me all wide-eyed and said, ‘Wow, Mom, their family and their house and all their animals they have is like from a fairytale. It was like we drove into a fairytale for the afternoon!’”

It really gave me pause. So often, as I drove down our drive after work, I saw grass needing to be mowed, fences needing repair, paint chipping on the house. As that little girl emerged from that magical tunnel, she saw lush grass and beautiful trees, sleek horses leaning over the fence to be stroked, a beautiful home filled with love. Her life so far had been far from a fairy tale. I should quit complaining.

So Much to Learn

Later that same summer, our pastor and his wife asked if we might be willing to host two girls for the weekend. The girls had been staying with the pastor’s family, but the family would be gone for the weekend, and they needed to find a place for the girls to stay. We quickly agreed. As we were finalizing plans for the weekend and getting our instructions, the pastor’s wife assured me that she had already told the girls they couldn’t smoke in our house. Couldn’t smoke in our house?! These girls were like 11 and 13! I couldn’t imagine kids smoking at that age. Another case of, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I had so much to learn. And learn, I did.

The girls were delightful. They were grateful to be at our home, and they were polite and respectful. On Saturday afternoon, we decided to go for a ride. This time, I trailered the horses to a nearby state park that had a beautiful trail system. As we meandered these trails, we chatted about many things—about their likes and dislikes, about school, about life. It was on these trails that my world was to be broadened once again. In the peace of the quiet trees, with no one else around, looking ahead at the trail not directly into their eyes—they began to share . . . It turns out their mother had left their father and was living in a homosexual relationship with another woman. The father had tried to kidnap their brother from their home. Now, their father was in jail and their mother was in the hospital for mental health issues. There was no one else to care for them. That’s how they came to stay at my pastor’s house. I wouldn’t have guessed the script. I couldn’t have even imagined the script! This was simply not a reality to me. These things didn’t happen in my world. But that didn’t mean they didn’t happen.

A Foretaste or an Invitation?

I can remember our trip home—driving in the truck, pulling the horses behind. We were all hot and sweaty, a good sweaty with the faint smell of leather and horse. We were all quiet as the rig rolled over gentle hills and my mind processed their revelations. And then I said, “You know girls, you may not have had a lot of choice in many of the things that have happened to you. You can’t help what you are born into. But there are a lot of things you will have a choice in in the years to come. You can decide if you will study and work hard at school. You can decide who you will choose as friends and who you spend time with. You can decide if you will stay pure until marriage. You can feel sorry for yourself and your circumstances and stay stuck in this cycle, or you can make different choices. I am praying that you will be strong and make good choices. Your life could be different.”

I never saw any of those girls again. I don’t know if that one little point of contact in time made any difference in any of their lives. I know it made a difference in mine. I had gotten a glimpse of the world outside my picket fence. There was another reality out there that people were living through every day. Again, looking back, I don’t know if it was a foretaste? A prelude to what would come? Or if it was an invitation, right then and there, to step in and be a part of the difference. If it was an invite, I missed the party. I was too busy running on the hamster wheel.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and

to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

James 1:27 NIV

"Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed.

Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow." 

Isaiah 1:17 NIV