Chrysalis

While I had peace in this season of advent—another period of waiting, expectantly—I couldn’t help but wonder . . . what was next? I trusted the Lord to show up. I trusted there was a Master plan. I just doubted my role in it. And my ability to hear him . . .

It was perhaps a couple months after parting ways with the church camp that I had a very restless night. I couldn’t fall asleep, my mind just kept going and going. I was thinking of this breadcrumb trail he had led me down. I was thinking about how God’s plan often looked different in the rearview mirror than it had when I started down that stretch of the trail. The breadcrumbs were still clearly from God, but what I thought would happen in between the breadcrumbs was often different than what God did between the breadcrumbs. His plan was always better than mine.

I found myself thinking of the amazing women God had placed in my life. Women from every walk . . . but some of my dear friends, now, were women I may not have even said hi to in my old life. I lay awake in my bed marveling at how God transformed people. We are made new creations . . . the old is gone, the new has come. So often, I would remind the gals in the jail of that. Romans 12:2 was a favorite go-to verse, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Just as I had encouraged those young girls that summer so many years before, driving home, hot and sweaty with the faint smell of leather and horse . . . “Your life could be different.” But back then, my emphasis had been on them making good choices. On their behavior. God had brought me a long way. Now my emphasis was on accepting and knowing God!

This verse would come up often, and along with it the analogy of a butterfly. How the caterpillar goes into its cocoon and comes out completely new! It was such a beautiful image. I just pictured these women in their stripes in the jail, emerging with new wings and taking flight. But, so often, it seemed they were struggling to fly . . .

Women would come into the jail and they would go, only to return again . . . and again . . . and again. This cycle seemed relentless, and I felt powerless to help. Even as they found Jesus and his amazing grace and hope, they seemed stuck in the cycle. As I began to walk with these women more on the outside, I began to see their struggle firsthand. Life was hard! They faced so many challenges and didn’t have a healthy support system to help them navigate them. It was so hard to watch! I just wanted to put them in a bubble.

As I lay there that night, pondering all this, it occurred to me that while I may have been dismissed from the camp, perhaps I had not been “fired” from this calling! The Bunkhouse had been a concept we had come up with at the camp to provide some longer-term support for these women I was walking with. A safe place to be nurtured and guided and loved . . . a place to be transformed! Perhaps I was to continue to pursue that concept?

Romans 12:2 and the image of the butterfly kept rolling through my mind. It was like the Lord was showing me all the things I had learned in my time at the camp—even if very little of it had to do with the camp!—and how all of that could still be put towards helping these women. Chrysalis. We would call it Chrysalis. I didn’t realize this at one o’clock in the morning, but moths transform in a cocoon. For butterflies, the proper term is chrysalis. Chrysalis. I didn’t even know how to spell it. By two o’clock I was up on my computer, googling chrysalis . . . caterpillars . . . butterflies . . .

I found myself googling information about their eyes. What was it about their eyes? I learned that a caterpillar, which technically has 12 eyes, is virtually blind—essentially only able to perceive light vs. dark, with very little depth perception. If you see a caterpillar rear up and seem to wave around a bit, they are gauging their position, determining if it is safe to make that next move. When they emerge from the chrysalis, they have 12,000 eyes! Eyes that see light even the human eye can’t see. And they process images far faster, so they can safely maneuver as they fly. How cool is that?! And how true for us, as well . . . Before Christ, we are virtually blind—barely able to distinguish darkness from the light. But after our transformation, the blind can see! We are given spiritual eyes, eyes that can see what human eyes can’t see.

I was still wide awake, my mind continuing to race. Pieces of the puzzle flashing before my new eyes. Seemingly unrelated events and experiences that were coming together, as only God could orchestrate. The vision seemed big! But then, he is a big God . . .

And so, the concept of Chrysalis was birthed. I didn’t know how, and I didn’t know when. But I continued to wait . . . expectantly.

“For I have the desire to do what

is good, but I cannot carry it out.

For I do not do the good I want to

do, but the evil I do not want to

do—this I keep on doing.”

Romans 7:18b-19 NIV

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

the new creation has come: The old

has gone, the new is here!”

2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

“Do not conform to the pattern of

this world, but be transformed

by the renewing of your mind. Then

you will be able to test and approve

what God’s will is—his good, pleasing

and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2 NIV